50+ Funny Office Quotes to Survive the Workday

Funny Office Quotes about Monday Morning

At the start of the week, we all need a touch of humor to fight off the Monday blues. Here are such funny and uplifting quotes that’ll help you start your workweek with a smile.

Witty Phrases for Starting the Week

• “Monday is the perfect day to correct last week’s mistakes.” – Unknown
• “Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear… ‘Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep.'” – Unknown
• “Hey I know it’s Monday but it’s also a new day, a new week, and in that lies a new opportunity for something special to happen.” – Michael Ely
• “If Monday had a face, I’d punch it.” – Unknown
• “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.” – Unknown
• “OK, it’s Monday, but who said Mondays have to suck? Be a rebel and have a great day anyway.” – Kimberly Jimenez
• “Monday is a state of mind. Put on your positive pants and get stuff done.” – Unknown
• “Monday is just a reminder that the weekend has past and there are only a few more days before another weekend gets here.” – Unknown
• “Mondays are the start of the work week which offer new beginnings 52 times a year!” – David Dweck
• “I swear it was Friday like five minutes ago.” – Unknown

Embracing the Monday Mood

• “Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sincerely, it’s not me, it’s you.” – Unknown
• “Monday? It’s not bad. Begin this day with a grateful heart and do what you love.” – Unknown
• “It’s Monday. Get a new perspective. Whatever obstacle you’re facing, it’s not permanent.” – Unknown
• “This should be the spirit every Monday. Know that something good will always happen.” – Gabriel García Márquez
• “Your Monday morning thoughts set the tone for your whole week. See yourself getting stronger, and living a fulfilling, happier and healthier life.” – Germany Kent
• “Candy is natures way of making up for Mondays.” – Rebecca Gober
• “It takes twice as long for me to not get anything done on Monday as it does the rest of the week.” – Unknown
• “It’s a good day to have a good day.” – Unknown
• “Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.” – Tom Wilson
• “It’s Monday but keep smiling.” – Unknown

Laugh-inducing Office Quotes about Meetings

Ah, meetings! Can’t live with them; certainly can’t live without them. Experience the quirkier side of office life through these hilarious quotes that perfectly encapsulate the love-hate relationship we all have with meetings.

Sarcastic Remarks on Never-ending Meetings

• “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.'” – Dave Barry
• “Meetings: The practical alternative to work.'” – Unknown
• “A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.” – Unknown
• “Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.” – John Kenneth Galbraith
• “I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.” – Totie Fields (The same can be said about meetings!)
• “I was in a meeting once, and I gave an analogy to my staff about my philosophy of enforcement, and I think it was probably a little crude.” – Albert Collins
• “People who take notes do not participate in the meeting. They just document it.” – Unknown
• “If you’re more frustrated than your participants during your conference calls, then it’s time to change the technology you’re using.” – Marc Ostrofsky
• “The least productive people are usually the ones who are most in favor of holding meetings.” – Thomas Sowell
• “A telephone conference call is the only type of meeting where I can actually cook and clean while ‘participating’.” – Unknown
• “The main reason people do not participate on long conference calls is because they get bored.” – Jill Duffy
• “On conference calls I lay on the floor playing with my phone and sometimes accidentally fall asleep, and then I hear my name and I’m like ‘Oh! I’m here!'” – Unknown

Hilarious Quotes about Office Coffee

From chuckling at absurd coffee-related observations to acknowledging the absurdity of dependence on this roasted beverage, let these quotes about office coffee tickle your funny bone.

Crazy Observations about Coffee Breaks

• “Why does a coffee break always feel shorter the busier you are?” – Anonymous
• “Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.” – Unknown
• “Nothing says ‘work efficiency’ like a line of employees waiting for the coffee machine.” – Unknown
• “Office workers unite, you have nothing to lose but your coffee breaks.” – Anonymous
• “People say money can’t buy happiness… clearly, they never bought coffee on a Monday morning!” – Anonymous
• “The best time to take a coffee break is when you have no time for it.” – Sydney J. Harris
• “The only meetings that should exist are meetings at the coffee machine.” – Anonymous
• “The coffee break is usually the highlight of my work day. And by ‘usually’, I mean ‘always’.” – Unknown
• “Why does coffee taste better on break time?” – Unknown
• “Best thing about coffee breaks: No one notices if it extends into lunchtime.” – Unknown
• “Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
• “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” – Flash Rosenberg
• “I never drink coffee at work, I use it for networking.” – Anonymous
• “If asked ‘How do you take your coffee?’ I reply: ‘Seriously, VERY seriously.'” – Anonymous
• “Coffee: because adulting is hard.” – Unknown
• “Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.” – Anonymous
• “My blood type is coffee.” – Unknown
• “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.” – Terry Pratchett
• “I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it.” – T-shirt Saying
• “Coffee: a liquid hug for your brain.” – Unknown

Funny Office Quotes to Lighten the Workload

With humor, even the dull, international rigors of a workday can feel a bit lighter. Let’s jump into these office-related chuckles.

Jokes about Overtime and Deadlines

• “The quickest way to know a woman is out of your league is to start talking about how you ‘work hard, play hard, sleep when you’re dead’!” – Terri Guillemets
• “My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
• “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
• “Overtime? Over my dead body!” – Anonymous
• “Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.” – Jeff Pesis

Quotes on Navigating the Work-Life Tightrope

• “The problem with work-life balance is the ‘life’ part. Who wants that?” – Anonymous
• “I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing.”— Martha Stewart
• “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates
• “I can’t even find time to go to the bathroom anymore. I’ve had to pee since yesterday.” – Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)
• “You can’t have everything you want, but you can have the things that really matter to you.” –Marissa Mayer
• “Don’t confuse having a career with having a life.” – Hillary Clinton
• “Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” – Dolly Parton
• “The balance of work and play makes Jack a productive chap.” – Anonymous
• “Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.” – Murphy’s Law
• “The key to work-life balance is to not work when you are at life.” – Anonymous

Memorable Quotes from Famous Office-Based Comedy Series

Next on our chuckle journey through office life are the rip-roaring quotes from the world of television. These splendid lines are taken from some of the most famous office-based comedy series: ‘The Office’ and ‘Parks and Recreation’. They are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face!

Quotes from “The Office”

‘The Office’, a mockumentary sitcom that depicts the everyday lives of office employees, has graced us with some hilarious quotes. Here are a few that you might enjoy:

• “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
• “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
• “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott
• “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.” – Michael Scott
• “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out.” – Kelly Kapoor

Lines from “Parks and Recreation”

‘Parks and Recreation’ is another comedy series set in an office, focusing on the Parks Department of the fictional town of Pawnee. It offers many laugh-inducing quips. Here are five that you won’t forget soon.

• “Every time I eat a salad, it’s like my mouth is throwing a party for how awesome I am.” – Chris Traeger
• “Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.” – Ron Swanson
• “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.” – Ron Swanson
• “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” – Ron Swanson

Jovial Quotes about Office Holiday Parties

We’ve had a good laugh at quotes about Mondays, meetings, coffee breaks, and even office sitcoms. Now, let’s jump into the festive world of office holiday parties. Here are some merry quips about Christmas parties and summer office picnics that are guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

Light-hearted Remarks about Christmas Parties

• “Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry
• “The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” – Anonymous
• “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno
• “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” – Robert Godden
• “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘toys not included.'” – Bernard Manning

Embracing the Office Picnic Experience

• “For every employee who has ever deleted a task instead of completing it and replied ‘done,’ this hot dog is for you.” – Anonymous
• “I don’t have a life. My life is a summer picnic, and you are all invited.” – Jarod Kintz
• “Why do we wait for summer holidays to start a diet? Oh, yeah, because of the office picnics.” – Anonymous
• “The boss just asked me if I was ready for the office picnic. Now I have to find a new excuse because ‘I forgot my swimsuit’ won’t work this time.” – Anonymous

Silly Office Quotes to Deal with Office Drama

If you’ve ever worked in an office setting, you’re already well aware of the drama that can unfold. To keep the atmosphere light and your spirits high, here are five amusing quotes that will bring a chuckle when the office politics or gossip becomes a bit overwhelming.

Humorous Quotes to Survive Office Politics

• “I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.” – Unknown
• “Why be a king when you can be a god of office politics?” – Unknown
• “Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.” – Ronald Reagan
• “I love my boss; I love my job. I’m self-employed.” – Unknown
• “The secret to winning at office politics is accepting this game is happening all the time.” – Unknown

Witty Observations on Workplace Realities

• “I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.” – Sue Sylvester, Glee
• “Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.” – Unknown
• “The only time some people work like a horse is when the boss rides them.” – Gabriel Heatter
• “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” – John Gottman
• “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

The Power of Humor in the Office

Welcome to another segment of our delightful journey through the world of humor in office life. In this section, we continue to highlight the undeniable power of humor, its capacity to boost morale, and its knack for breaking down barriers. Engage with these funny office quotes and discover how a little laughter can make a significant difference in your workday.

How Funny Office Quotes Can Improve Morale

A sense of humor can be a revitalizing beacon in the procedural world of office life. It’s here that funny office quotes step in, offering a much-needed comedic relief. Here are a few quotes that you might find amusing yet insightful.

• “If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” – Claude McDonald
• “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you reach the office.” – Robert Frost
• “Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” – Don Herold
• “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
• “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

The infectious nature of such quotes doesn’t just uplift your spirits; it fuels a communal bond, a shared understanding, and an irresistible essence of morale in your workspace.

Using Humor to Break Down Barriers in the Workplace

Humor not only lightens your mood but also serves as a powerful tool to break down barriers, making the workplace feel open, united, and less intimidating. You can instigate this breezy environment by sharing some of these amusing and relatable office quotes.

• “Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.” – John Kenneth Galbraith
• “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
• “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
• “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” – Steven Wright

By circulating these hilarious insights around the office, the barriers of hierarchy, apprehension, and monotony in the workplace will surely crumble, giving way to a more vibrant, humane, and productive environment.