50+ Funny Quotes About Disastrous First Dates

Ever been on a first date that was so bad, it was hilarious? You’re not alone! We’ve all had our share of dating disasters that are so cringe-worthy, they’re almost too good not to share. But don’t worry, we’re here to lighten the mood and turn those awkward moments into a source of laughter.

Funny Quotes About First Date Disasters

First dates are a mix of nerves and humor. These quotes capture the awkward moments and unexpected challenges, from picking the right place to remembering names. If all else fails, at least you’ll have a funny story for the next one.

• “A good place for a first date? Anywhere but the emergency room.”
• “Skip dinner, see a movie. If it’s bad, at least you can sleep.”
• “Two words: breathe mints.”
• “First dates are like job interviews with cocktails.”
• “First date outfit: Something comfortable enough to run away in.”
• “Key to success: remembering their name correctly.”
• “Showing up late is a great way to show you’re not desperate. Or reliable.”
• “Dating Rule #34: If you feel the need to use a fake name, it’s not a good date.”
• “First dates: Testing how long your politeness can outlast your discomfort.”
• “A bad first date is a great story for your next date.”

Hilarious First Date Fails Quotes

• “That awkward moment when you realize your date’s outfit has more sparkles than your personality.”
• “I once went on a first date and he asked me how I liked my eggs in the morning. I said, ‘Unfertilized’… there was no second date.”
• “My date arrived 30 minutes late and said, ‘I was going to be on time but then I thought you might be ugly.'”
• “If forgetting your date’s name were a sport, I’d be in the Olympics.”
• “I dated a guy who fell asleep. When I asked him why, he said, ‘I find your voice soothing.’ Yeah, thanks!”
• “Here’s to all of us who have ended a first date by asking a taxi driver, ‘Please follow that car while I sob in your backseat.'”

Awkward First Date Moments Quotes

It’s time to laugh off the blushes and faux pas of first dates. Here are some hilarious quotes that encapsulate those awkward moments perfectly:

• “I showed up late, then spilled my coffee. My date just sat and watched, amused. ‘If this is a disaster,’ he said, ‘I can’t wait to see our second date.’” – Unknown.
• “Forget ‘Love at first sight’. I’d say it’s more like ‘awkward glances and forgotten names’ on first dates.” – Anonymous.
• “My date fell asleep mid-conversation. When he woke up, he said, ‘Your voice is so soothing; it’s like a bedtime story.’ Can’t decide if that’s a compliment or not!” – Anonymous.
• “15 minutes after waiting, my date finally showed up only to ask, ‘Are you the date or the waiter?’. Talk about epic fails!” – Unknown.
• “‘Best first date ever,’ he said. ‘We haven’t even ordered yet,’ I replied. It’s funny how confusion and expectation mingle on first dates.” – Anonymous.
• “Asked my date her name again, she said, ‘The same as it was 5 minutes back.’ Note to self, nervousness equals temporary amnesia!” – Unknown.

Embarrassing First Date Stories Quotes

First dates are full of awkward moments. These quotes highlight the funniest, from calling your date the wrong name to mistaking them for the waiter. Even the most embarrassing dates make for great stories later.

• “I showed up late, then mistakenly said, ‘At least, I didn’t make you wait for a good reason.'”
• “My brain must have hibernated. I kept calling him by a wrong name the entire date.”
• “I dozed off in the middle of his favorite opera musician talk. Well, who knew one could sleep-learn?”
• “Embarrassingly, I waved our waiter over and started chatting. Only to realize, it was my date!”
• “Expecting candlelight dinner, I got instead a ‘who eats by bare candlelight these days?’ response.”

Quotes About Surviving Terrible First Dates

• “They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, but my date night felt more like fishing in a desert.” — Anonymous
• “Late is fashionable unless you’re on a first date.” — Anonymous
• “Awkward conversations remind me it’s a first date. I’d forget otherwise.” — Anonymous
• “Nothing like getting caught calling your date by your ex’s name. Just adds to the charm.” — Anonymous
• “Wearing two different shoes to a date, I claimed it was the latest fashion trend.” — Anonymous
• “I asked my date if he believed in love at first sight. He turned and bumped into a waiter.” — Anonymous
• “Who knew falling asleep at a date would make me more memorable?” — Anonymous
• “I thought candlelight was supposed to be romantic, not set off the restaurant’s fire alarms.” — Anonymous

Jokes About Online Dating Gone Wrong Quotes

Online dating is full of surprises—some hilarious, some cringe-worthy. These quotes capture the funny side of expectations versus reality, where profiles promise one thing, but the dates deliver something entirely different. 

• “I thought I was looking at her travel photos until I realized they were just different locations where she’s dropped her phone.”
• “Swiped right on a guy with abs, showed up to a date with a guy who clearly hasn’t seen the inside of a gym since high school.”
• “Seems my prince charming rides a tortoise, not a white horse. Still waiting for my online match to reply after three years.”
• “Matches’ profile said ‘adventurous foodie’, only to find out their idea of adventure is ordering a Big Mac without cheese.”
• “Swiped right cause of his dog. The dog didn’t show up, but this man-child did.”
• “Online dating: where you’re a Ferrari in pictures but a Lada in person.”
• “My date kept insisting I looked different from my pictures. Apparently, the Flower Crown filter was misleading.”

Laughing at First Date Mishaps

You’ve seen it all now. From the classic wardrobe malfunctions to the modern perils of online dating, first date disasters are as common as they are hilarious. Remember, it’s these awkward moments that make the best stories.

So next time you’re stressing over the perfect outfit or fretting about arriving on time, just remember these quotes. They’re a reminder that even the most disastrous dates can be a source of laughter and amusement.